Let’s talk about grief
with Real People
Answers from Joe M.
Learning to live with losing his Father.
Who did you lose?
Father
How old were they?
51
How old were you?
19
How long have you been grieving?
5 years
What's your fondest memory of the person you lost?
There’s way too many to choose from, so I would probably be forgetting some memorable moments. But the one that I always remember is when my Dad made Mario and Luigi costumes for both of us to go to my aunties 50th birthday party. The whole costume was amazing, and we looked like a right duo. Even though Dad accidentally burnt his Mario hat with the iron, it still looked absolutely fine.
The 50th birthday party was a few days before Dad got taken into hospital, which is why it resonates with me more. But it was a really good night and would always be a good memory for me.
What emotions did you feel within your first year of grief?
I felt like there was a massive dark cloud following me every single day. Not even making me feel sad but I just couldn’t feel happy. There wasn’t any escape leaving this black cloud, one single thought of my Dad; the cloud would get worse. In conversations where people would talk about Dad, I would try to go on my phone, try to hide from the conversation and try to lose focus of what people were talking about. I used to always keep headphones in around the house listening to music and then continue to listen to music up until midnight every day. Realising later on that it was a coping mechanism.
How do you prefer people to comfort/mention it?
I just like carrying on as normal
Have you had any type of therapy for your grief?
No, but I feel like at the start I should have. I’m in a much better place now but it would have got me to that ‘better place’ quicker.
Joe’s message to anyone struggling with grief
Grieving is hard. It sucks. There’s constant reminders everywhere you go that remind you of that person. However if you think of all the beautiful memories and moments you had with that person - it gives you happiness inside and happy tears.
If you use the analogy of them looking down on you and checking how you’re doing, you can smile and say “look at what I’ve accomplished” and they will be insanely proud of what you’ve managed to get on with. It will be tough but just know they’re always there with you.