Let’s talk about grief
with Real People
Answers from Kelly P.
Learning to live with losing her Father.
Who did you lose?
Father
How old were they?
62
How long have you been grieving?
3 years
What's your fondest memory of the person you lost?
Dad and I had the same sense of humour. We found the same things funny. We’d often share funny stories and send each other funny messages. I miss that!
How do you prefer people to comfort/mention it?
I like people to say "I'm sorry for your loss" and then carry on as normal and I love to talk about them and keep their memory alive
What emotions did you feel within your first year of grief?
Over the last three years, I’ve experienced every emotion. Utter sadness and heart break - for my loss, for my Mums loss and for Dads loss of life and a retirement.
Anger - at the the system “why wasn’t the cancer detected or treated sooner”, at my Dad “how can you leave us, did you have symptoms that you hid from us all”, at any man over the age of 62 “why do you have more right to life than my Dad”.
Guilt - for feeling angry, or for still grieving 3 years on.
Relief and gratitude - Dad passed away just before lockdown, we were able to spend his last week at his beside in ICU and give him the funeral he deserved. If it had happened 6 weeks later it would’ve been a completely different story.
In the first year, whilst hearing the horror stories in hospitals, I often thought how incredibly lucky we were to be with Dad until the end. It’s been a roller coaster!
Have you had any type of therapy for your grief?
Yes, it really helped.
I had grief counselling 18 months after Dad passed away. It really helped me. I found it hard to start with as I was expected my therapist to have all the answers - but after a couple of sessions I realised it wasn’t to get answers but rather to help me address the questions. I’ve recently had another 4 sessions, 3 years on. The pain isn’t so raw now but I’m still struggling with life without Dad. The sessions are helping me and I’m sure I’ll have more again in the future.
Kelly’s message to anyone struggling with grief
Whilst your pain can both physically and emotionally hurt you, it will get easier. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone and don’t be afraid to ask for medical help to deal with this difficult time.